Ouch. That hurt.

i’ve felt the subject of a lot of criticism this week.  Probably no more than usual, and probably not intentional, but my already sorrowing heart didn’t so much have the wherewithal to throw it off this week.  i realize that many of my environments are highly critical, and this feeling has brought to my attention how much being critical has become common and comfortable for me. This is no good.

O COMPANION OF MY THRONE! Hear no evil, and see no evil, abase not thyself, neither sigh and weep. Speak no evil, that thou mayest not hear it spoken unto thee, and magnify not the faults of others that thine own faults may not appear great; and wish not the abasement of anyone, that thine own abasement be not exposed. Live then the days of thy life, that are less than a fleeting moment, with thy mind stainless, thy heart unsullied, thy thoughts pure, and thy nature sanctified, so that, free and content, thou mayest put away this mortal frame, and repair unto the mystic paradise and abide in the eternal kingdom for evermore.

Bahá’u’lláh, The Hidden Words, Persian #44

Isn’t that the truth?  Being critical of others is such a frequently relied upon way to create easy social bonds – i don’t like her shoes, you don’t like her shoes, we have something in common.  But it’s lazy.  Certainly we have other things to say to each other.  Not liking something that no one likes doesn’t realy count as something in common.  No one needs their flaws pointed out for them.  They know they have them.  And if they haven’t noticed, its probably because they’re preoccupied with others of their flaws.  This is what i remembered this week.  That we’re all trying.  That we are all overwhelmed by our shortcomings and that being reminded of them, especially by those who are closest to us, is really just hurtful.  And, more, that highlighting someone else’s weakness is grievous failure to acknowledge their humanity, their essential nobility.  i’m not doing any better than anyone else at this life. Who could i possibly think i am to judge their progress?

This is not to say i will never again go on a melodramatic rant about the absurdity of some behavior or another.  But i hope i can be mindful of the impact that the voicing of  my overinflated opinion might have.  i’m sure i have hurt others the way i hurt this week and i hate to think of it.  Hearts need support, not chastisement.  i remember being good at giving that support.  That was what came naturally. i’m not willing to give that up to establish quick and fleeting comfort in awkward social situations.  It’s not who i want to be and there’s no reason that my environment, however critical it might be, should dictate that for me.  i’m a grown ass woman, not a Mean Girl.