I’ve been writing a lot of email replies lately and then deleting them before I send them. For all the witty retorts and humorously critical remarks that come to my head, I just am not finding many that are actually going to contribute anything to the well-being of the people receiving them and I just can’t bring myself to propagate so constantly this mindset that finds its comedy in highlighting other people’s shortcomings. Now, I would like very much like to give myself some kind of pat on the moral back for exercising this restraint, but I can’t help but note that I do still, more often than not, find all too entertaining the failure of others to think along logical lines. Specifically, my logical lines. Can’t really be proud of that. I mean, yeah it’s good for someone not to kick the dog. But what do we think of someone who’s inclined to kick a dog in the first place? And then what if the dog is a person instead? Can I get a round of “That ain’t right.”? But they say the first step to sobriety is acknowledging that you have a problem. So here I am. Step 1? My name is Abi and I am a barely-mitigated, unbecomingly critical snob.
Who has Step 2?
5 Comments
7 July 2009 at 9:30 pm
Step 2: Have someone else kick you?
8 July 2009 at 2:10 am
So…wait. Are you saying that you intentionally held back when you emailed me today?? Please, friend, let me have it. Tell me just how right it ain’t that I was doing whatever it is that I was doing. Don’t hold back on account of me and my feelin’s.
Step 2: Eat some ice cream, uncritically.
8 July 2009 at 7:08 am
(sorry for the long comment but i’ve got a few thoughts)
i think step two might be forgiving yourself (because it’s not a felony) and then letting the praise flow. first start by praising the good in you.
alot of times humor is used as a “witty sword” and yes, it’s sharp and edgy and it’s the hip way to be humorous but it “gets in there”—meaning the receiver’s subconscious, so to speak. and we aren’t just doing it to each other (if that’s the chosen tone during communication) we’re also doing it to ourselves in status updates, self-deprecating jokes on conversation, yadda yadda. they really are minute “thoughts of war” or digs cloaked in a thin veil of humor. and i’m a big fan of wit. don’t get me wrong. witty boys are a head-turner. but these days i’m keeping the wit contained to inanimate things or places.
over a week ago i was in a room with some young people (i say young because i am older by a significant amount of years) and i realized all of their remarks and “witty” banter about the topics at hand or at the images on the screen, though funny to themselves, would pain the hearer if they were present. all in the name of wit or even, dare i say, boredom. i peaced-out of that situation. it wasn’t my scene. not my type of energy.
in the last year or two, i began a new phase of simply praising. we don’t offer enough genuine upliftment in our day to day. whether it’s “hey girl, you’re wearing the hell out of those shoes” or “you always know how to make me smile” or “you give so selflessly to your friends” or whatever points out the good. it really changes the energy in ourselves and in our interactions with others without the risk of the subconscious sucker punch.
yeah…positive praise about anything from graduating med school to a bangin’ pair of stilettos or someone’s laugh
justin already brought sexy back. can we bring praise back?
13 July 2009 at 9:30 pm
Grrrllll…..you ain’t right. (shakes head disapprovingly) You just ain’t right.
BTW, in addition to tutus…..what you got?
31 July 2009 at 8:34 am
…that ain’t right.