It’s almost poetry, which makes me uncomfortable because, in my experience, poetry has to be very well crafted to be respectable and i’m not at all confident that mine is, but i likes the words and so i’m putting them down. Here.
i wonder sometimes if my prayers are getting through while my doubt is the wall they bounce back from. Maybe it’s the delivery…or maybe i’m just checking the wrong mailbox for reply. Are they missing an address or in the wrong shaped envelope? i know the words are right because He chose them. i think they’re flying off to nowhere and landing on my back. Or God’s writing on them “return to sender.” But that’s not it, is it? I mean, my prayers are surely being answered. i just don’t understand how i’m meant to address them or how much postage i need so they’re going out in carefully decorated envelopes with no means of delivery…And i wish i could just use the phone.
This conundrum is one that pops up for me periodically. Usually when i am left to myself and begin to ponder too deeply the nature of things i cannot possibly comprehend. At the moment, it is not in the least a concern, but i am sure that again in the future it will haunt my senses and i shall despair until i again surrender to my ignorance.
7 Comments
14 September 2008 at 6:43 pm
As to the prose/poetry – it doesn’t have to be “well-crafted” or “respectable.” If I’ve learned anything in my literature and writing classes, it’s that all it has to do is convey an emotion or meaning effectively. Sometimes writers will even purposefully construct their writing in a choppy or slightly off manner to get that meaning across even better.
I like your words, most especially because I can relate tremendously and it makes me feel less like I’m doing something wrong. If there are other people out there, people I have always looked up to, who have this same problem, then maybe it’s not just me…maybe I’m not being singled out.
The wall of doubt bouncing them back is a frustrating thing – when you feel like that, the doubt increases, which only exacerbates the problem…if you find a way to overcome it, please let me know.
P.S. – My absolute favorite phrase in this post was “surrender to my ignorance.” It’s sparking some writing flames all by itself. =)
15 September 2008 at 10:18 pm
ditto
15 September 2008 at 10:31 pm
also i looked at that book list thingy and i’ve read 43 out of 100 of those books. and i’ve partially read 3 more than that…whew, i was worried i wasn’t a bookworm. now i got some work to do….
16 September 2008 at 1:11 pm
Sometimes it takes us longer to surrender. And the longer it takes, the harder you fall. I’ve decided to not ask for anything specific anymore. Seems like it should be that way. I wonder how long that will last…
18 September 2008 at 4:17 am
Interesting, she who has a phone phobia would prefer to use the phone!
19 September 2008 at 4:50 pm
Haha!! Good point, mom! i should look into that…
22 September 2008 at 9:29 pm
wait, you have a phone phobia? is that why you are never home when i call you? because you are ever running away from your house and the dreaded phone? must be really hard to live like that. always trying to get home but never being able to for the fear.